Yomobo

Your motherboard is so {fat | ugly | mean | old | forgetful | poor} ...!

This is an incomplete list and needs to be augmented.

Fat

Your motherboard is so fat she takes a 1200 W power supply! Your motherboard is so fat ...

Old

Your motherboard is so old she's a grandmother board! Your motherboard is so old you gotta overclock her with a sundial! Your motherboard is so old she uses a monacle for a video card! Your motherboard is so old the only compatible sound card is a player piano! Your motherboard is so old she's got LP's for her hard drive platters! Your motherboard is so old she uses a bellows for cooling! Your motherboard is so old you gotta turn a crank to start her! Your motherboard is so old she's got a wooden POST! Your motherboard is so old ...

Ugly

Your motherboard is so ugly you have to blindfold the hard drives to interface with her! Your motherboard is so ugly her ports gotta run in promiscuous mode to get a DHCPOFFER! Your motherboard is so ugly ...

Mean

Your motherboard is so mean she ain't got fans, she got detractors! Your motherboard is so mean ...

Forgetful

Your motherboard is so forgetful she stands you up for NTP dates!

Poor

Your motherboard is so poor she has to borrow cache from the keyboard! Your motherboard is so poor she don't got cache, she got food stamps! Your motherboard is so poor ...